Re: Tools explained

[MO <micher@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>]

Who ever thought this up was truly a experienced car guy!
LMAO..................MO

On Jan 9, 11:25 pm, Herb <zephyr9...@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> Tools Explained....
>
> DRILL PRESS:    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
> flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
> chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted
> project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could
> get to it.
>
> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under
> the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and
> hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say,
> 'Oh sh--!'
>
> SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short
>
> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
> blood-blisters.
>
> BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
> touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
>
> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
> principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
> motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more
> dismal your future becomes.
>
> VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
> heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer
> intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
>
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
> objects in your shop on fire.  Also handy for igniting the grease inside
> the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
>
> TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
> projectiles for testing wall integrity.
>
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground
> after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle
> firmly under the bumper.
>
> BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
> cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into
> the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the
> outside edge.
>
> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
> everything you forgot to disconnect.
>
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids
> or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on
> your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out
> Phillips screw heads.
>
> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.. Sometimes used to
> convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering
> your palms.
>
> PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
> bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
>
> HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
>
> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is
> used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts
> adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
>
> UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
> cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on
> contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles,
> collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
> Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
>
> SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab
> and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the top
> of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
>
> Hope you found this informative

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