Re: Alumcan....get off the moonshine!!!/WHAT FER?

From: aumcan
Email: alumcan300dhd@aol.com
Date: December 19, 2001


OK Eric, keep it up and I WILL NOT send you yer bottle of moonshine. That's what I had yer buddie check out for me up there in New Hampshire. There were two on E-Bay up there. He found out the 36K mile one hade a crumbling frame, and the '84 had that idiotic 4.1 motor. I DO NOT want to go to the problem of motor swaping. OK, so you and everybody listen up, I'll tell you the story why I want a Black Hearse. First, since this is a MoPar site, and most know all ready by now what brand of Hearse I want, I will re-frain from using a 'other' brand name. (Einstine allready knows this story) That is one reason I NEVER 'posted' in the wanted section. Over two years ago I started thinking about getting my then 14 year old daughter a car. Like all parents, (many of you know what I'm talking about, you other younger FwdLkrs haven't the foggiest) I was wanting to get a TANK. Since the closest thing to one, are the '64,5,6 Imperials, (go deep into the archived discussion forum, there were 'posts' about how/why those cars were baned from demo derbies.) Those 4-door Imperials are easy to find and sorta' cheap. The 2-doors and the Convts, that's another story. Anyway, the problem with those years of Imperials, if you would call it a problem, they used 3/4 ton 2-wheel drive Dodge pick-em-up spindles. The OM 5 lug Imperial rotors/drums are impossible to find. One could easily bolt on the eight lug Dodge rotors/drums, but my daughter wants to use a set of those 17-18 inch alloys. You younger guys know where she is coming from. Anyway she announced that she wanted a Black, ******** Hearse. At first, I said "Hell no!" Then about a year later this computer came along and I started 'truckin' around in all the Hearse sites that I could find, hoping she would change her mind, and forget about this 'hair-brained' idea. No, she was more determined that ever to get a Hearse! Then after talking to several clubs, (two are out there in Denver) finding MORE web sites, I found out just how stout they build those hearses. Now I don't know how ****, and MoPar do it, but this is how ******** does it. A front clip, firewall/cowel/complete dash section, in other words, a complete body all ready painted/assembled from the front door hinges forward is set aside off of the regular assembly line. Then on a seperate smaller line, a special COMMERCIAL frame is built. (Commercial, meaning TRUCK thickness and strength! NOT a streched car frame) then the regular heavy-duty ******** suspension is added, then the regular motor and drive line is added, with heavy-duty components, then the front body secton is added and then they can be driven. They are then shipped to the Hearse/Limousine manifacture. The only ones that I can think of right now are, Hess and Einehart, Miller-Meterior, and S & S. The the rear bodies are then usually semi hand formed using as much/close to outer OM make panels/chrome/etc. A '01-'02 Hearse STARTS at 60k! and goes up! Way up! I've tried talking to a whole bunch of Funeral Directors, (there are over 200 in the Denver yelow pages alone) but most are HARD to talk to. I think it is they are part MD with what, 12 years of school? Part preacher with 6 years of school, and part psychologist with a whold bunch of more schooling. And most don't make near what the Doctors do. Maybe in secret, all morticians are a pissed off bunch, I don't know. Anyway, getting back to the story. Three years ago she started preforming, (volunteerng) for the Stepping Stones' Haunted Hayride here. Her first year she was with several other actors, untill they found out that with just a little ice water she could scream constantily at around 100db. The next two years she was the main actor in the 'spider web skit', screaming for 'help' before the large spider 'ate/killed her'. Next year, since the Steping Stones has done so well, and 'outgrowed' the park they were in, they are now moving into a 'Haunted House.' (better location too) Cassie, again gets to have a 'staring/solo' role. She also wants to use this Hearse in this role, which she hasn't told my wife and I, nor the director of Stpping Stones. I have been looking going on a year and a half now for the 'right' hearse. She made the statement, that has made ME more determined than ever to find the 'right' Hearse. She wants to go to the same car/bike shows, cruize-in's that I show my Harley in. THAT has made me feel real proud! Hey Einstine, think the inside rear of a Hearse can make a decent sounding 'boom box'? WHOO-HAW! So, 'that is my story, and I'm stickin' to it. There will not be much customising done to this Hearse except the tires/wheels and a 'boom-box' sound system. She will be driving it mostly everyday, so I have to make sure the car is mechanicly sound, and looks good too. Now Eric, since you know 'the rest of the story' that is one more reason, other than job, why I can't finish this DeSoto, I gotta get rid of it. And I said that I really didn't want to cry on anyone's shoulder. We ALL have problems. So Eric, be still, and enjoy yer moonshine. You be sure and tell everybody if you get 'roarin sloppy commode huggin' drunk now! MERRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY!