IML: The language of noises
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IML: The language of noises



I have finally found a new shop to do the work on my Imperial, and it took some doing.  Many mainstream shops these days don’t want to work on old cars.  They are afraid that by going in to fix the designated problem, they will break something else, and don’t want to take on the liability exposure.  Anyway, on a certain long stretch of residential arterial that runs along lake Washington in the Sandpoint area of Seattle, there has been for years a little shop that always has a “snippet” on their sign each week, and a few weeks ago it read “Got an oil leak you can’t fix?  Bring it on it, we’ll fix you up tight”.  Since my last encounter with my old mechanic of 14+ years was such a disaster, and cost me $500.00 to fix what they broke, I needed a new mechanic, so had interviewed 4 shops, 2 of which would not want to work on old cars, one being run by a mouth breathing, knuckle dragger, from the shallow end of the gene pool, and who’s home town obviously does not have a cut off age for sleeping with your parents.  The last one was promising, very clean, professional, and willing.  At $105.00 hr. labor, and no previous knowledge, or experience with old Imperials.  I said I did not want to get charged more time for a job due to their learning curve, but I did have my FSM for their reference.  Their tech at that moment piped in something about “I don’t need no ‘stink’n manual”, and I excused myself from their presence. 

 

Last week I went into this small shop I mentioned above, spoke to the shop manager, who was extremely professional, yet very personable, listened to what I had to say, answered my questions with honesty, and what I consider truthfulness, and was greatly appreciative of my “learning curve” concerns.  Kevin, the manager, brought out the tech he would assign to my car, and only this tech would work on it.  They work on many old cars, and the tech has a stellar ’66 Chevelle, completely stock, and only NOS parts.  We spoke about my issues, the rarity of Imperials parts over a Chevelle, and so on.  All in all very good vibes, and a reasonable hourly rate.  The car is now in there for the next week or two having my next months salary applied to it’s attention to some delayed maintenance, all of which I knew of, but had been told was not yet serious enough to pay to fix, but now is.  I did not have to tell them what they were, they found them in there inspection.  Said Doris is a very clean, solid car, and especially commented on the undercarriage being so nice.  Except for the wetness caused by the leaks.  I was hopeful the oil leak was not in part due to the rear main seal, but until the dye test is complete, I could not be sure.  Now I’m sure.  It is.  So now it is up to 2 months salary, and calls to my credit card companies to beg for an increase in my limits.  Other issues will bring the bill to over $3.8K.  I’m just planning on $4,000.00.  My rear axel seals are now leaking bad enough to be able to affect the brakes if not corrected.  Apparently, on the differential, when they pull the shafts, there are some clips, or something, but no cover to remove to inspect the gears.  It is just a sealed housing.  Is this correct?  Sounds strange, but who am I to know?:  They will judge the gears by any play they find, and when they drain the fluid, and it’s condition, content, as to whether or not the gears should be redone as well.  If so, and I hope not, but if so, I would at that juncture, REALLY like to just put in a SureGrip rear end, since I will not be eating for many months to come, I might as well upgrade, if possible.  I have seen requests for these rear ends before on the list, but don’t rightly know about there availability, or cost, etc…  If someone knows of, or has one, would you please contact me off list to let me know about it, where it is, how much it would cost?  Thanks.  Also, is it at all possible to make a standard rear end a SureGrip by adding a part, or something making it a limited slip rear end, and just not going the “Brand Name” route, without sacrificing quality?

 

While in the shop I noticed a list in a frame, asked for a copy as it is sooooo Imperial related, and wanted to share with the list.  Maybe some of you have seen this, maybe not.  If not, like me, I think it is not only a hoot, but very helpful, and accurate.  My car has done at least each of these noises at one point or another, and I plan on keeping this with my FSM for explanations of noises to any concerned tech in the future.   Here they are:

 

The Language of Noises

 

BOOM:                   Rhythmic sound like a drum, or distant thunder.  This may cause pressure on the eardrum.

 

Buzz:                    Low-pitched sound, like a bee, or fly.  Usually associated with vibrations.

 

Chatter:               Rapidly repeating metallic sound.  May feel like a shuddering sensation.

 

Chirp:                   High pitched, rapidly repeating sound, like the chirping of a bird.

 

Clank:                   Heavy metal-to-metal sound, like hammer striking steel.

 

Clunk:                   Dull sound, like a rock being dropped on a carpeted floor.

 

Grind:                   Abrasive sound, like sandpaper being rubbed on wood or metal.

 

Groan:                  A sound like an older person makes when they get up in the morning.  (I now know that sound personally these days!)

 

Growl:                   A low guttural sound, like a dog giving a warning.

 

Hiss:                       Continuous sound, like a snake, or air makes escaping from a balloon.  (On an Imperial, that would defiantly be the Power Brake Booster!!)

 

Hum:                     Continuous sound can be of varying frequencies, like a tuning fork.

 

Knock:                  Heavy, sharp, repeating sound like a rap on a door, or desktop.

 

Ping:                      Similar to a knock, but a higher frequency like rapid rattling.

 

Rattle:                   A sound suggesting looseness, like marbles rolling in a can.

 

Roar:                     Deep, prolonged sound, like a lion, or the oceans waves.

 

Rumble:               Low, heavy, continuous rolling sound, like distant thunder.

 

Squeak:               High-pitched sound, like a mouse or squeegee on a dry window.

 

Squeal:                 Variable, high pitched sound, like fingernails on a blackboard.  (Ick.  Just the thought and I get that awful shudder, and Goosebumps!)

 

Tap:                       Light rapping sound, like a woodpecker or a pencil being bounced on a table.

 

Whine:                  High-pitched, electrical sound, like a motor or a mother-in-law.

 

Whistle                  Sharp, shrill sound, like wind through a leaky window.

 

 

Well, that’s it.  I think this is VERY helpful, and intend to keep a copy with me, in my FSM, which had “Gone Missing” from the last time I saw it when I took the car in last to Gilmore so they could break things on the car that were working perfectly.  When I went to pull it out of the trunk for the new shop manager, it was not there.  I placed a call to Gilmore, asked about it, and was told “Of course not, we don’t have it!”  I asked Gloria to go check personally, and she came back and said Pete was using it for the last several months as a coaster.  I politely requested that they send it to the new shop, at which point I got “You’re taking your car to another shop?  Why?  Is something wrong?”  As I was at work, I did not have the time to explain the minutia of detail as to why I would not be returning to Gilmore Automotive, but the fact that Larry, the one I trusted to work on my car, and was the most knowledgeable about MoPar’s in general (he has a ’59 DeSoto), has not shown up for work for over 5 weeks, according to Gloria (read:  he has not run out of beer yet), and Pete’s “Hammer Mechanic” approach to fixing something evidenced by my last, and most costly visit, that no, I would not be returning.  She told me to come pick it up.  I asked how.  She stumbled.  I wasted not a second at that point to let her know keeping my FSM was not part of the deal when they work on my car, and as I did not have my car, and they should have retuned it to the trunk when they were through using it as a coaster, as they certainly did not use it for reference material while I last had my car in, that I expected them to ship it UPS to Jeff’s Auto Repair at their own cost.  Gloria sighed, said things were not going well, and I was not the first to move on, and asked me if she should send along my extra set of keys they have always kept on the board?  I said I had taken them with me last time.  She checked, confirmed, and we hung up.  She called me today to let me know she had sent the manual to Jeff’s today. 

 

It’s a real shame to end a long time merchant/customer relationship, but like any other, it is not always easy to do.  I like supporting the small independent shops that specialize, and do good work.  I hate large corporate chains like the Home Depot, Jiffy Lube, Wal-Mart, K-Mart due to them putting the little guys out of business, and they could care less about one customer, in reality.  I don’t care what their commercials may present about the happy workers in Nebraska, who are so grateful to Whatever-Mart for their jobs, and how well they love their jobs, and how good the company is to them.  In reality, we are headed toward one big corporation owning everything, and the small shops will really be just a memory.  I personally will do my part to seek out the little guy/gal shops and take my monies there.  I know full well it may cost more, maybe a good deal more, but at least I know I’m keeping, in my own way, the small shop in business.  I do the same with hardware stores.  I seek out the small Mom & Pop ones.  If they don’t have what I need in stock, they order it.  In a rare case they will send me to Home-Depot, where I get lost as soon as I hit the parking lot.

 

Anyway, I hope you all like the above list, and some find it helpful and humorous as well.  I sure did, and it came from a small shop.  A small shop that is taking me to the cleaners, but being honest about the whole thing, and will try to keep costs down, and consolidate items, as well as do them in order of importance, and keep me abreast of the running total.  The estimate I was given was to be a worst case scenario so as there would be no surprises, and went so far as to add in all taxes, disposal fees, etc…  It’s a LOT of money!  I could buy a nice ’69-’71 Imperial for that kind of money, and now if I choose to sell Doris…well, I just won’t be able to.  I won’t be able to get enough for her to warrant the cost of the repairs, but at least I’ll know she is good to go for a long time yet.  I guess this means I will be ordering new seat covers from Gary, and weather stripping too, as well as a new hood liner.  At that point she will be a museum piece, and I will not be able to drive her anymore.  Doris just turned 98,000 miles this last weekend.  Maybe just as well.  I wanted to keep her below 100,000 miles anyway.  When I bought her in 2000 she had just 71,000 miles on her.  At least going to the store in my Imperial is an event, to this day.  If I had bought a new car in 2000, I would still be paying for it probably, and it would be worth 1/5 of what I paid for it.  So all in all, this is not so bad, and in the end, Doris has always run!  Doris has never left me stranded like my ’60 vert, Zsa, Zsa did every other week.

 

Have a nice weekend everyone!!

 

 

Wm. R. Ulman

Seattle, WA  

'66 Crown Convertible Coupe - Doris Day (Doris is having, as they say in Hollywood “Some work done.”)

twolaneblacktop@xxxxxxxxxxx

 

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