[Chrysler300] Fw: Tools explained

["Ross Therrien" <bent70cuda@xxxxxxxxxxxx>]

I realize this is not on subject but felt it might be of interest to our group.
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Sent: Tuesday, July 20, 2010 6:03 PM
Subject: Fw: Tools explained








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      *TOOLS EXPLAINED
      *
      DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal
      Bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings
      Your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had
      Carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
       
      WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the
      Workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned
      Calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh --'
       
      ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes
      Until you die of old age.
       
      SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
       
      PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of
      Blood-blisters.
       
      BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
      Touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
       
      HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
      Principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion,
      And the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your
      Future becomes.
       
      VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads.
      If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense
      Welding heat to the palm of your hand.
       
      OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable
      Objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the
      Wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
       
      TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
      Projectiles for testing wall integrity.
       
      HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
      You have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly
      Under the bumper.
       
      BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut
      Good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash
      Can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
       
      TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
      Everything you forgot to disconnect.
       
      PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or
      For opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your
      Shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips
      Screw heads.
       
      STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
      Convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
      Palms.
       
      PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket
      You needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
       
      HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
       
      HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
      As a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
      Object we are trying to hit.
       
      UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard
      Cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents
      Such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector
      Magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
      Slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
       
      DANG-IT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
      Yelling 'DANG-IT' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next
      Tool that you will need.


     

           
           

     







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