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Just tell her that she looks too young to be 40 yrs old. She does not look a day past 25, and she will purr like a kitten for you. It is all in the way you talk to her.
By the way, what is her name?
In addition, these tidbits may come in handy to some. Apply them to your Imperial as well, and you should be fine…in most cases.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... they are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. (Choke)
1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. Moreover, no, we are never going to think of it that way. Well, ok maybe some of us will.
1. Crying is blackmail. (Car not starting)
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! (Why won’t it start)
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null, and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Do not ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men (OK, not ALL men) men see only 16 colors, much like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, we will be scratching it. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you do not want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really do not mind that? It's like camping out.
Hope this is helpful in many ways.
Wm. R. Ulman Seattle, WA '66 Crown Convertible Coupe - Doris Day '95 Buick Roadmaster (Corvette LT-1 350 cid powered) - Rock Hudson
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